From criticising society to book adaptations, films are opportunities for filmmakers to shape society, changing how people think and discuss things in day-to-day life; and relationships are no different
Three contemporary female directors have epitomised this idea by crafting beautiful yet gut-wrenching films that have helped women reclaim the narrative surrounding relationships and left viewers deeply touched after watching them.
Celine Song’s Past Lives, an autobiographical story of childhood friends Nora (Greta Lee) and Hae Sung (Teo Yoo) reconnecting and reflecting on the life they could have had, is a beautiful depiction of relationships. Its effectiveness comes from its honesty and avoidance of typical dramatic scenes of wild sex or arguments. The film’s best moments are those of everyday life, like getting ready for bed or discussing fried chicken.
Clara Lattimer Walter, an animator based in London, reflects on the effectiveness of the film, saying: “Something is very intimate in these ugly moments, when you’re washing your faces together, something so mundane but unless you really loved and cared for someone they wouldn’t be in that moment with you.”
The film shows how intimate moments people share create the foundation for a strong relationship through Nora and her husband Arthur (John Magaro), something often overlooked in movie production.
“I think having snapshots of a boring, less beautiful reality which creates moments of pure intimacy is really interesting.
“It shows more about why her husband is so ok with her meeting her childhood sweetheart because their intimate relationship creates such a strong foundation.”
Beyond focusing on intimacy, the movie also challenges the unforgiving nature of relationships in Western culture. It questions Hollywood storylines that are commonly filled with revenge and hatred between two people in order to earn the love of a person they are both chasing.
Film critic James Willey says, “It presents us with a choice of having relationships with people you’ve had romantic history with. It’s a really healthy thing to have, as people don’t have to live in a world of perpetual rupture, like thinking about the end of relationships, and it provides room for repair.”
Never Rarely Sometimes Always is another movie which challenges the western world. A deep-cutting film, directed by Eliza Hittman, about two cousins, Autumn (Sidney Flanigan) and Skylar (Talia Ryder), who are forced to navigate the abortion system in an unfamiliar city.
The film opens with Autumn being heckled at an open mic before cutting to her alcoholic father finishing his fifth beer and begrudgingly complimenting her performance. This sets a sour impression for a viewer of the broken relationship Autumn has with her father and the cousins have with men generally – that of pain, distrust, and regret.
This lack of trust creates tension and forces you to feel on edge during every interaction.
“During the bus scene with Jasper”, says Lattimer Walter, “you get this gut feeling that something bad is going to happen because of their past experiences. It places you in the mindset of the girls that if they say or do the wrong thing, it could become violent.”
The movie shows the harsh reality of life for young women that forced the cousins to develop an unbreakable bond.
Lattimer Walter added: “It’s not nice, but they are forced to use their relationship to navigate the world, and this is where their power lies.”
There are long, inescapable scenes with little dialogue or music. Collectively, they awaken you to the exhausting process of having an abortion in the US.
Willey says: “Eliza Hittman includes scenes which linger on these characters for really extended, uncomfortable periods of time to make us realise that we don’t get to escape this feeling in the same way the characters don’t. Other filmmakers would usually shy away from this.
“The movie shows you these artificial barriers Autumn overcomes, who is ultimately successful in the end, but the whole process feels very defeating.”
Aftersun is another carefully paced film, occupied by quiet scenes that hold on the characters. Charlotte Wells’ screenplay is simple but effective, creating sympathy and confusion for a viewer as they follow Sophie (Celia Rowlson-Hall & Frankie Corio) trying to make sense of her father, Calum (Paul Mescal), and what happened on their last holiday.
Wiley praises Wells’ direction for how it lets the audience in without giving everything away.
“The style of scenes creates this concerning atmosphere which makes you think something isn’t quite right and something is unexamined. It made you feel that Calum was suffering in silence.”
Wells’ emotional intelligence from her own experience of losing her father at a young age shines through. She delicately tackles the themes of mental health and the daughter’s distorted perspective of her relationship with her father.
Lattimer Walter said: “The scene where he was on the bed crying was memorable. Originally, they were thinking about doing that forward-facing so he’s looking at the camera, but they had him turn his back to really show this obstruction of memory.”
The father-daughter relationship moves away from the typical father-son relationship we commonly see in movies, where the father teaches the son to be a ‘real man’. This film helps set a standard for how father-daughter relationships should be depicted, creating empathetic and intimate dynamics with a father willing to engage in deep, thoughtful conversations with his child.
Lattimer Walter added: “Little has been done in empowering and giving more respect to fathers taking on the caregiving role, even though these roles are very important in society.”
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Normalising this male caregiving role has the potential to reexamine and deepen people’s relationships with their fathers.
Clinical Psychologist Dr Samantha Bottrill comments: “Studies show there is ongoing reinforcement for girls being kind and caring and for boys that they’re supposed to be strong and get on with things.
“You learn as you go through life, but watching movies you can see the possibility of another type of relationship you haven’t seen exposed to and that or you see what you wouldn’t want to create in your own life.”
Women have grown tired of the same old narratives. More films need to represent a progressive, nuanced model of relationships.
Dr Bottrill added: “Women and girls are fed so much shit on film about saving a man, about the hard-to-catch man, the man who doesn’t want to settle down, and through the love of a good woman, it’s all hearts and rainbows.
“That repeated exposure I see over and over again from the little mermaid all the way through to adult movies, they have an influence on women who aren’t conscious of it, but somehow it sucks them in the lure of the bad boy who might come good, will they choose me and then my life will be perfect, that kind of bollocks, and that usually comes from film.”
Hittman, Song and Wells are three female directors who share the ability to inspire and empower younger women in their relationships through telling these deeply personal stories. Their success is a positive indication that people want stories on film that can act as a guiding light for women. These films stand up in the face of adversity and give women back control in relationships with the people around them and, in a wider sense, society.
